Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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