hotel room ftw
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
