you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
