My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
