i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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