i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
