Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
