God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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