I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize