Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just pee around me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
