I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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