he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
