Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
