you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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