He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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