At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
