dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
