I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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