So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
