I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
