I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is wine microwaveable?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
