Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
