Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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