I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
