I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
