she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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