I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
