Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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