I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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