Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
