yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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