the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize