i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
