I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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