it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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