Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
