My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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