I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
