I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
