Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
