let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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