i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
