guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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