Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
