this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
