i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
