So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
