If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
