I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
