no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
