True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
