Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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