if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
