I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
