words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
