How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
