I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
