trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
