Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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