Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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