Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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