Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
