I CAN MOONWALK!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
