She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
