I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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