my vag is so smooth its legendary
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
not ubering you a puppy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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