She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
