i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
