I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
