New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
