Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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