I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
