bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
