Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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