Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
