just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
