How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
