Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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