I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
