after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
